Chapter 1: Last Judgment
7 August 2015
Mulder’s Apartment
With a shaking hand Mulder poured another shot of whiskey from the already half-empty bottle. He’d learnt over time to sip the stuff rather than knock it back – although sometimes the need for instant forgetfulness still impelled him to drain the glass in a single gulp. It was not easy to forget when everything you’d ever seen was burnt into your memory. His pretty little daughter – the words he said to her. All the things he hadn’t meant to say. Then doing the worst thing he could ever have done. Mulder stared vacantly at the TV screen, absently he flipped between the porn channels. He smiled lop-sidedly, de-regulation of the television networks had led to an improvement of sorts, in some channels at least. He reached forward and grabbed a handful of sunflower seeds from the bowl in front of him and shovelled them into his mouth. They were less fun without the shells to bite open, but *everything* was pre-packaged these days. Everything was less fun, especially for him.
A red-haired woman appeared on the screen and Mulder purposefully changed channels. He tried to pretend that he didn’t know why – but he couldn’t fool his own memories. <Scully> They reminded him and he brought the glass back to his lips. The alcohol didn’t remove the memories but it stopped them hurting. Mulder knew exactly what he was, the words in his head reminding him spoke with the voice of a memory – “You have become your father.”
“You’re doing it again Mulder.” The soft voice spoke from the other side of the room. Of course – forgetting about her would be a lot easier if she would just leave him alone.
“Go away Scully.” He answered without looking up. Her soft chuckle reverberated the air around him.
“No way.” She replied. “I promised that I’d never leave you.”
“No.” He said firmly, smashing the glass onto the table, and finally looking at her. She looked exactly as she had that last day she’d been alive. The white dress she wore floated around her ankles as if it was being blown by a gentle breeze. “The woman that I loved never existed.” The ghost appeared hurt by his words.
“Yes she did – and she loved you too.” She answered quietly.
“Bullshit.” He replied and drained the remainder of his glass. He instantly poured another.
“You shouldn’t drink so much.” She told him.
“What’da you care?” He snapped back, not looking up at her.
“Despite what you think, I care a great deal.” She answered. He sneered as he brought the glass to his mouth and took a gulp of the fiery liquid. “I don’t understand how you can think that I didn’t care about you.” He choked and drink splashed over him. His head snapped up and he glared at the apparition.
“You were working for them!” He spat out angrily. “I trusted you.” The last words were choked with unshed tears and he had to look away from her.
“Your trust was *not* misplaced.” She said softly. He stood up in a reflex action and started towards her with a fierce anger in his eyes, but something stopped him and he turned away in disgust. He ran his hand violently through his hair.
“Just leave ! I don’t want you here ! Get the hell away from me !” He shouted.
“As you wish.” Her voice seemed to fill the air around him and the pressure of it made him feel as if his ear drums would burst. Then it was gone and the low volume of the TV set was the only noise in the room. Mulder was alone once more.
XXXXXX***********
The loud knock on the door woke Mulder with a start. As he stumbled to his feet he knocked the empty whiskey bottle off the table and it hit the floor with a dull thud. He heaved himself off the couch and crossed to the door with difficulty. His vision swayed and blurred with the after-effects of the alcohol. He unbolted the three locks, but kept it on the safety-chain, and opened the door. For a moment Mulder thought that the ghost of his long dead partner had returned again.
“Agent Mulder.” The red-haired woman acknowledged. “Can I come in?”
“Who are you?” He asked with not a trace of civility. The woman smiled. At least it seemed like a smile, Mulder’s vision was the not the best at this moment and the light was soft out in the hallway.
“Katherine Ickes.” She replied and Mulder stepped back from the door in shock. All the memories he had been attempting to block out for nearly twenty years came back to him with the force of an explosion. Katie -his daughter. He’d given in to his foolish fears and he’d handed his daughter over to the enemy – just as his father had done. <’You have become your father’> The words echoed loudly around and around inside his head.
“Mr Mul . . ? Dad? Er .. are you alright?” Katie asked, trying to push the door open but it stuck on the chain.
“Why don’t you just break it down? Or will it down? Whatever you can do!” Mulder spat on impulse, without really meaning it. Katie looked hurt.
“I shouldn’t have come.” She answered and walked out of his vision. Mulder realised that he was in danger of losing his daughter a second time.
“No! Wait!” He shouted even as he reached to undo the chain. He struggled with it but finally managed to open the door and run into the corridor.
Katie was almost at the elevator.
“Wait!” Mulder called again. She stopped and turned back, her expression hopeful this time. “Why did you come? I thought you’d hate me.” She smiled.
“You’re my father. I could *never* hate you.”
XXXXXX*********
“Please sit down.” Mulder told Katie quietly, gesturing to the couch.
“Thank you.” She replied politely as she sat down. She laughed. “Listen to us, all very civilised.”
“I don’t feel very civilised right now.” Mulder said with half-smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He was fighting hard to think against the effects of the alcohol. He looked over at her and opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it again and shrugged. “I..I don’t know what to say to you.”
“You don’t need to say anything.” Katie answered with barest hint of a smile. “You let me through the front door. That was more than I’d expected.” Mulder lowered his head and spoke to the ground.
“I’m sorry.” The words were the merest whisper. “I . . shouldn’t have let . . I shouldn’t . . I just shouldn’t . .” He tailed off as the words dried up to a thin squeak. Katie closed her eyes and swallowed.
“*I’ve* never blamed you for that.” She stood up and walked over to him. They stood a few feet apart and stared at each other. “I wanted to come before now, but I didn’t know if you were ready to accept me for what I am. Then I saw what you were doing to yourself. The drinking ..” She shook her head and shrugged. “I *had* to come.” Mulder accepted her words with a bitter smile.
“I’m glad that you did. I regretted my decision as soon as I realised what I’d done.”
“The same as your father.” Katie acknowledged and Mulder looked at her curiously. She smiled broadly. “I know *everything* about you.”
“Everything?” He teased with a hint of the ‘old’ Mulder creeping through. Katie smiled. “I’m not a good host.” He commented wryly after a moment of awkward silence. “Would you like something to drink?” Katie looked around and smiled.
“I don’t drink anything alcoholic!” She said with laughter in her voice as she gestured around the apartment at the assortment of empty bottles which lay amongst the empty pizza boxes and other by-products of junk food culture. Mulder followed her gaze around the room and – after twenty years of not noticing – realised that the apartment was a complete mess. It was as if her appearance had opened his eyes.
“I guess the place is quite a mess.” He commented softly, almost to himself. How had he never noticed?
“Maybe if you tried tidying it once a year . . . ?” Katie continued talking but Mulder no longer heard what she was saying. <’Maybe if you tidied your desk more than once a year’. Stop it! Shut the lying little spy out!> “Are you okay?” Katie asked finally cutting through Mulder’s thoughts. He swallowed and looked at her.
“I’m fine.” He lied and forced a smile. “Tell me about yourself.”
“Well,” Katie replied. “I’m not really *that* different or special.” Mulder laughed, it felt good after all these years.
“You are, Katie. You *are* different.”
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Carrie watched from the shadows as Katie walked out of Mulder’s apartment. <Stupid idiot!> She turned back and Carrie saw Mulder step out into the corridor with her. Carrie retreated further back into the shadows were she could observe them without being seen.
“I’m glad you came.” Mulder was saying.
“Me too.” Katie replied with feeling and the two embraced. <Oh what!!! Katherine!> The father and daughter stepped apart and Katie walked down the corridor. Mulder, at length, closed the door. Carrie stepped into check behind Katie.
“What are you doing here?” Katie asked without looking at her.
“I should ask you that?” Carrie spat viscously. “I could report you for this.” They got into the elevator. Katie hit the button for the ground floor and the doors closed. Finally she turned to face her twin sister.
“What can they do? You know that they’re scared of us.”
“They can kill him.”
“They believe that he’s no threat to them now – so why should they?”
“Is he a threat?” Carrie demanded and Katie smiled.
“He’ll always be a threat.”
“Does he know the truth?”
“He doesn’t know about you.”
“She never told him.”
“*She* never knew!”
“That’s a lie and you know it. I could kill her for what she did.”
“You already did.” Katie added softly.
“You mean that I will in the future.”
“No. In the past, but I wont let you do it again.”
“If it’s already happened what can you do to stop me?”
“Caroline – I will do *anything* that I can to stop that from happening and I don’t *care* what the consequences are!” The elevator doors opened.
XXXXXX*******
9 September 2025
Mulder’s Apartment
Mulder watched as the light gate began to form in front of him. *She* would be there – alive – but he would not seek her out. In fact he intended to purposefully avoid her. The past was over and done with – why rake it up again? All he had to do was help Katie to find Fenegold and get that implant out of his previous self’s skull. He would be in that time for a few minutes at most. Fix the past and come back here. Back to a lonely apartment with nothing but the bitter fruit of rotten memories. The only good thing he had was Katie and she was only with him when they could arrange a secret meeting. If anyone found out that they met then it would never be able to happen again. Scully’s legacy, her gift to him – a daughter he could not love as he wanted to, a daughter who most people would not believe in or would call, at best, a freak.
Mulder no longer needed alcohol to exorcise Scully from his mind – he had the X Files. No matter what happened to him, he’d always had the X Files. They were the most faithful mistress he’d found. Since he’d found out the truth he’d taken the term ‘Trust No One’ to new lengths. Katie was the only one in the world that he trusted and sometimes he wasn’t completely convinced that she wasn’t a spy <just like Scully>. Mulder sighed deeply, even Scully’s ghost had stopped visiting him <just as faithless as she’d been in life>. Mulder pulled himself together and stepped through the light gate – into the past.
XXXXXX********
1996
An abandoned warehouse.
“What do I tell my superiors? *What* do I tell Scully?” Katie asked urgently
“Tell that rat-bastard to jump off a bridge.” Mulder spat out the words “And tell Scully….” <Don’t say anything – let the bitch stew in it> “Tell Scully….” A sudden sound – a foot fall – stopped his speech. He looked up and saw a face he had never expected to see again. <Oh Fuck! Now what?> Mulder stared at her with confused emotions. It had been so long since even her ghost had visited him and he’d doubted that she was even half as beautiful as his damn perfect memory had made her appear to be. He’d missed her so much. <Shut up! She’s a lying bitch who sold you out. Don’t let her fool you.>
“You can tell her yourself.” She said without looking up – then her eyes raised and she looked directly at him. Her mouth fell open.
Mulder couldn’t think of anything to say to her. The gun, held in her trembling hand, fell noisily to the floor.
“Mulder…?” She asked incredulously.
“Yeah – Mulder.” He replied dead-pan. Katie cast him a worried look and stepped in.
“This is going to be difficult to explain.” She said quietly.
“Katherine…..” Scully said – changing direction in her incredulity. “Your daughter……?”
“My daughter.” He replied flatly. Katie caught his eye and he sent her a forced smile. “The one that saved my life.”
“I don’t understand this. Am I dreaming?” Scully asked and Mulder laughed bitterly.
“No. You’re not dreaming Scully.” <I wish that I was. I’d like to wake up now and find that I’m still sleeping in that bed in that *safe* house and have everything that I’ve learnt be just a bad dream. Then you’d wake up, lovely and innocent, and we’d make love. I still love you Dana. I’ve never stopped.>
“Are you from the future?” She asked, oblivious to his thoughts, then covered it nervously. “Forget I asked – I did gather that much.” She rubbed her forehead. “How far in the future?” She asked instead.
“Twenty-nine years.” Katie said.
“2025.” Mulder added on.
XXXXXXXXXXXX***
2025
Mulder’s apartment.
Mulder wasn’t sure why he’d bought the bottle. He hadn’t had a drop of alcohol in six years. After he’d met Katie he’d been determined that he would not turn into his father and, although it had taken him four years, he’d quit the drinking. It had been the first step back to reality. At least, after sobering up he’d been more effective in his job. It was strange at first – investigating X Files in a state of sobriety without Scully – but he’d worked through it and now he was enough of a threat to the ‘dark government’ that they were prepared to manipulate time in order to kill him.
“I hope you’re not planning on drinking that!” The familiar voice drawled sarcastically from his left.
“I didn’t think you’d come back.” Mulder replied without looking up.
“I never left.” She answered softly.
“Why let me see you now then?” Mulder wasn’t angry anymore – he was just resigned.
“You saw me today, in 1996. You’ve made your peace with the past and you’re ready to listen to me.”
“There’s no point in dredging up the past. It’s gone.” Scully’s ghost laughed.
“You went back in time today because they tried to kill you by changing the past.”
“You came here to tell me something I already knew.”
“Mulder,” She sighed. “If *they* can change the past – then so can *you*.”
Mulder’s head snapped up and he looked at her for the first time.
“I can do that?” He asked. Scully smiled sweetly at him and he remembered the way things were between them before he knew the truth.
“You already have Fox.”
“Mulder.” He pointed out with a threatening look.
“The man I love let me call him Fox and I’m not letting him go back on it.”
“Call me whatever you want.” He answered in a resigned tone.
“Okay – you’re a jerk.” Mulder laughed despite himself and Scully hid a smile.
“Made your point.” He acknowledged. “So how have I already changed the past?”
“You wouldn’t believe me.” She told him with a smile.
“I already don’t.” He answered with a brutal simplicity that forced a gasp from her.
“Alright.” She replied coldly. “If that’s the way you want it, Mulder.” She said his last name deliberately and he turned shocked eyes up to her. “It doesn’t change anything. You are still destined to return to 1996 and change things as you’ve done in two different timelines already.”
“What?”
“Time is a weird thing, it’s not the universal invariant that I believed it to be. I never saw that my concept was purely a social construct and not a real thing at all. Then again, I could say that about a great many things.” She looked at him with a look he hadn’t seen on her face since they sat together by her sister’s deathbed – regret. “You were right about *so* many things. I accused you falsely in the past and you were hurt by it. I realise that I’ve left it very late to tell you that I’m sorry for all the bad things I’ve said to you.”
“Oh Scully, sometimes it feels like we’re being manipulated in a grand scheme by someone who has a sick sense of humour.” He sighed and she smiled a bittersweet smile. Then she set her expression and the look in her eyes cut into his heart.
“I *never* betrayed you.” She said firmly. “They tricked me. I was a fool and I let them get away with it because I was trying to protect you. I failed you and I lied to you but I was never on their side against you.” She swallowed. “I thought that you knew that.”
“I want to believe you.” He said quietly and closed his eyes. “I want to.”
“I have to go now.” She said softly. His eyes snapped open and fixed onto her.
“Why?” He demanded.
“You have to decide what to do.” She smiled. “You’ll make the right choice.”
“Dana . . .” He sighed her name.
“Fox . . .” She answered and her sigh was as soft as a gentle breeze caressing his face. The colours of the room around him blurred and then righted themselves. And she was gone.