Words Speak Louder
She skips through the States so fast that she’s breathless by the time she gets to tied… nationally! It’s the most amazing news. So amazing that he could just kiss her.
So, in the end as simply as that, he does.
Then, when his eyes meet hers, everything falls into place. Full circle. This was the moment they’d missed once before that meant their relationship went one way and not another. He had no idea what it meant then, and he has no better idea now, but he’s not going to miss the moment again.
The polls stop mattering. Everything stops mattering as the world explodes with something hot and precious and new. And…
And the Congressman is happily yelling his name.
They don’t jump apart – it takes a moment to let go – but they move fast when they do and, by the time the world bursts in through the door, there’s space between them again.
It doesn’t matter right now because today is a really good day and there’s too much laughter and hugging making up their world to worry about it.
In the short time alone, getting dressed, afterwards is when the worry creeps in. It’s a pie fight in his head between too many thoughts this morning and the urge to just grin is putting in a heck of a case against everything else. But the worry sets up in a corner of his mind and hangs out there.
As they walk through the building out to the cars, he can’t help but keep looking for her in the group. His mouth keeps going and his feet follow it, but his eyes are traitors today.
For all that, finding himself with her in the car and meeting her eyes again is a shock. There’s words that should be said but now isn’t the time and he can only find the one.
He immediately hides behind his sunglasses so he can watch her without letting the whole world – and her – know that today he just can’t seem to stop.
She’s just so happy it’s rolling off her in waves. But then, they all are, so that smile that’s lingering at the corners of her mouth could mean absolutely anything.
When he’s finally got her alone for a moment, he takes the risk and takes off the glasses so they can see and be seen.
He says he’s sorry, even though he’s not. Says it was inappropriate, when it felt anything but. He gives her every out, but she’s just not taking them.
In a cage of his own making, he’s too scared to think that everything might actually be okay.
Then she knocks him sideways.
“It was bound to happen sometime.”
Even C.J. being cagey can’t ruin his mood now because his eyes are on Donna… and she’s still smiling.
Except, of course, she can. It’s skill she’s learnt too well over the years.
Apart from that lingering thundercloud though, the day’s still going well and people are returning his calls, which is a really nice change. Still, he needs to send her off to Washington ahead of them, so he has to talk to her as if nothing between them’s changed.
Except that she’s chatting excitedly and it’s so much like old times that it’s almost painful. Which is also mildly irritating as she’s not getting to a point, and he’s wondering if kissing her again might work to shut her up, which he absolutely shouldn’t do, especially right here and now. Except…
Vinick has a cold!
It’s only the fourth best thing that’s happened today but he can’t hold the joy, that’s been locked inside at this day’s events, in any more. In the middle somewhere he meets her eyes and knows that if he hugs her now he could easily do something that would actually be very inappropriate in the circumstances. So he turns to Bram and hugs him instead, and then sweeps Annabeth off her feet too. His scale of what he should and shouldn’t do is a little out of whack right now.
When he turns back to face her, he’s feeling like himself for the first time in months. So he jumps at the chance to take control. Meeting her eyes, he just has to show off. It’s all show for her now, because she’s watching him, smiling.
So thank you, Mr. President, for ruining that.
Later, in the White House, his world’s off kilter. He’s back in this building and something’s going on that he just doesn’t like and can’t control. It’s definitely killing his mood this time. Everyone else is so happy but he’s having trouble feeling it. Except his team is on a roll. They’re brilliant and full of ideas tonight.
Donna’s there at the heart of it. Back in this room full of memories.
He just can’t help watching her as she picks up the phone. One worry chases all the others away for the moment. Just how does he get to kiss her again? The list of things he’s good at just doesn’t seem to include this.
The car for the ride to the hotel is packed with people. He’s concerned that Leo and Matt asked for the other car to themselves. In the end though, he’s in the party car and the happy mood is infectious.
Donna, sitting across from him, is sharing a joke with Ronna, and she catches him watching her. In the dim light of the passing street-lights, she smiles once, just for him.
He’s first out of the car, but hangs around. People stream past him as he stands there trying to look as if he has a purpose that isn’t her. She’s the last one out, shuffling across the seat to the door, apparently not surprised to see him when she looks up. He holds out his hand as their eyes meet. She looks away as she takes it and gets to her feet.
They’re facing each other as they let go hands. Then she gives him a look from under her lashes that nearly buckles his knees, turns and heads for the door.
He’d like to fall in beside her, place his hand on her back as he’s done a thousand times, and unsubtly guide her away from the crowd. He knows that he’s not going to do that. What he is going to do though is follow her to the bar.
That’s when the Congressman calls his name. Matt and Leo are ready to fill him in on what’s going on. He’s pretty sure that they’re about to completely ruin his night. Reluctantly he follows them instead of her.
It’s after hours of strategy talks that he finally makes it to the bar. They’re all laughing at Bram and obviously more than a few drinks in. That’s not why he came here instead of heading straight to his hotel room. When he looks at her, she looks back. Surprisingly, it’s not awkward, it’s exactly right. Full of promise. And…
He’s startled as he watches her slide her key towards him across the table. She’s still looking at him, finishing her drink, looking… leaving.
He’s totally thrown because she’s just jumped twenty steps while he was still trying not to stumble at the second.
A moment too late, he makes his move, and now he’s watching the key, passed from hand to hand, away from him. He watches it as it’s put back into her hand… miles away, across the room.
He knows that what he’s seeing on her face, as she looks back with longing and disappointment, is mirrored on his own.
He could chase after her. He could jump up now and get there before she gets into the elevator. But he doesn’t. That would be even more steps ahead of where he is right now.
She turns and leaves.
He sinks back into his chair. There’s still people here. They’re still drinking and laughing, but he didn’t come down here for that. He’s not really sure what he came down here for. He’s about to make excuses and leave the bar when his Blackberry vibrates. Automatically he pulls it out and checks the screen.
There’s message from Donna.
Not sure what to expect, he sits up straighter and turns away from the crowd.
With a hand in his hair, he warily opens it, and is surprised at himself when he laughs.
—
Donna exited the lift holding the envelope containing her key between her thumb and forefinger. She knew exactly what’d happened. He’d hesitated. Of course he had! They’d both spent years flinching away from this and she’d finally summoned up the nerve to push things before he was on the same page.
She blamed Will. He was supposed to have discouraged her, not encouraged her. She blamed C.J. for inadvertently managing to encourage her too with her excitement that something might have happened between them. They’d both made it sound so easy and normal. She should have remembered that nothing between her and Josh was easy or normal.
She couldn’t really blame them for tonight not working out. She’d taken their encouragement and rushed headlong into a hasty plan. She’d just wanted for this morning to not be another odd moment, easily dismissed.
This past year she’d discovered what she’d needed to know: that she could build a life without him. After this morning though, she just didn’t want to.
She opened the door to her room, went inside and tossed the key onto the night stand. She placed her bag by the bed, sat down and pulled out her phone.
This night wasn’t a complete wash out. She knew what she wanted, and now she knew for sure that he wanted it too. He just needed more time.
She was smiling as she created a new message and began to type.
“It’s bound to happen sometime.”
Her finger hovered over the send button for a brief second, before decisively pressing it.
Immediately she stood up and tossed the phone onto the bed, before heading for the bathroom.
—
Donna’s startled twenty minutes later, when the phone, now on the night stand – plugged in and charging – starts to ring. She’s been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark, finding sleep hard to come by but persisting anyway.
She reaches for the phone and checks the screen. It’s him. He hasn’t replied to the message, but now he’s calling her. She takes a deep breath before answering.
“Hello.” She says, as if she’s not surprised that he’s called.
“Hi.” He says, sounding a bit breathless.
Then there’s silence. He’s phoned her but he’s saying nothing. She smiles into the darkness.
“Was there something you wanted?” She finally asks with her amusement evident in her voice.
She hears him let out a long breath alongside a throaty chuckle.
“There’s no way I can reply that will do that question justice.” He says.
Her heart genuinely skips a beat. Words desert her.
Which brings them back to the silence on the line.
“Um,” He starts just before it gets too strained. “I need you to, go with Leo for a few days.” He blurts.
Which definitely wouldn’t have been what she’d have predicted he’d say next, but he’s talking again before she can come up with a reply.
“There’s gonna be a lot of questions about Kazakstan. I need you to help Annabeth make sure that he doesn’t get too technical or too focused on that. I need you to help him remember he’s not Chief of Staff any more, he’s running…”
“Got it.” She cuts in brusquely. “Keep him on message.”
“Yeah.” He replies, warily. “Look, Donna…”
“I’ve got it, Josh.” She cuts in firmly again.
Silence reigns once more.
“It’s not about… I’m not trying to get rid of you.” He says softly and something relaxes in her chest. “You’re the one I trust to do this.” He pauses. “I’ll be doing the same for Santos, so I need you helping Leo right now.”
The words “oh Josh” are on the tip of her tongue but she fights them back.
“Donna?” He asks when she doesn’t say anything. He laughs nervously. “Are you still there?”
“I’m here.” She says.
“We need to keep our heads in the game.” He says, sounding apologetic, his voice catching slightly as he says it. “It’s not the right time to get distracted.”
“Right.” She agrees.
“Yeah.” He replies with a sigh, and she can picture him raking his hand through his hair.
She can’t help but smile.
“Two weeks.” She says softly.
“What?” He asks.
“We’ve got two more weeks of this.” She replies.
“Yeah.” It’s more of a strangled sound than a word.
“I really wanna win this.” She says firmly, meaning it.
“Me too.” He agrees.
“We’re a team then.” She tells him.
“We are?” He laughs as if he’s surprised.
“We are.” She says simply.
And there’s silence again.
“Josh?” She asks, smiling. “Are you still there?”
“I’m here.” She can hear his smile.
“I’ll see you in a couple of days then.” She says, almost all business.
“Keep me up to date.” He says, almost all business.
“I will.”
“Good, right then…”
“Yeah…”
“Goodnight Donna.”
“Night Josh.”
She gets up and starts dressing. She isn’t going to be able to sleep now, so she figures she might as well get to work.
—
“How’d it go?” He asks without preamble.
“Good.” She says as she fails to stifle a yawn. She sits down on the edge of her bed and kicks off her shoes.
“Tired?” He asks.
“Yeah.” She replies as she pushes her hair back out of her face.
“Is it gonna be nothing but one word answers tonight?” She can hear his smile.
“No.” She says deliberately and is rewarded with a laugh.
“I should let you sleep.” He says.
“What’re you working on?” She asks.
“Still going over numbers.” He sighs. “Still trying to schedule next week.”
“You know you’re driving Lou crazy.” She says.
“Complains about me, does she?” He asks.
“To anyone who’ll listen.” She deadpans.
“Sounds about right.” He sighs. “I should let you sleep.”
“Yeah.” She replies.
“Goodnight Donna.”
“Night Josh.”
—
“What’s going on?” She asks urgently. “I was asked by a reporter about a secret meeting between Vinick and the Congressman.”
“I wish I knew!” Josh exclaims. “He won’t tell me what happened. He just says that ‘it’s resolved’, whatever that means.”
“It did happen then?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.” She breathes. “What should I say?”
“It never happened.” He replies. “If Vinick’s as tight lipped as Santos, then we won’t need to worry about it.”
“Okay.” She replies, chewing on her lip.
“How’s Leo doing?” He asks after a short pause.
“He’s fine.” She smiles. “Better than fine.”
“What does that mean?” He asks warily.
“I’ll tell you later.” She says, knowingly.
“Should I, worry about it?”
“Not at all.” She grins.
“Okay.” He pauses again. “How’s Annabeth?” He asks awkwardly.
“Annabeth’s fine.” She replies. “Leo’s fine. All the staff are fine.” She smiles. “I’m fine too.”
“Are you mocking me?” He asks.
“Not at all.” She replies.
“You’re mocking me.” He says softly but she can hear his amusement. “I should hang up now.”
“But you won’t…” She says.
“How do you know I won’t?” He asks.
She pauses, summoning up her courage.
“You miss me.” She says.
He doesn’t reply immediately.
“It’s not the same when other people bring me good news.” He finally says.
“We’re not supposed to be getting distracted.” She replies, even though she knows that she started it.
“No we’re not, but…” He trails off.
“Yes?” She says, leading.
“Sometimes I’d, you know, like to be distracted.” He says.
“Me too.” She replies.
“I should hang up now.” He says.
“Yeah.” She says. “Night Josh.”
“Night Donna.”
—
“Hey.” Donna said into the phone. She was lying on her back in yet another hotel bed, with the covers pulled up to her chin.
“Hey.” Josh replied. He was sitting cramped in a seat, reclined as far as it would go, on the plane, as far away as he could get from everyone else. They were all asleep. He still has papers and his laptop in front of him. “Nice job today.”
“You too.” She replied. “We make a good team.”
“We always did.” He said softly.
“That sounds distracting.” She cautioned.
“Right.” He agreed seriously. “So, what’re you wearing?” He asked with a smile.
She laughed.
“We catch up with you guys tomorrow.” She changed the subject.
“Not a moment too soon.” He replied and she smiled. “Ur, we, er, have some good photo ops lined up with Leo and the Congressman. Lou needs you for spin. And there’s the rally tomorrow…”
“Right.” She agreed, still smiling.
“Six days to go.” He stated. “It’s gonna be…”
“Hectic.” She finished.
“Yeah.” He agreed.
“Rushed off our feet. No sleep. Everyone in everyone else’s pockets.” She stated.
“Yeah.” He agreed.
“No time to ourselves.” She stated.
“Yeah.” He sighed.
“No moment to…” She began.
“Donna?” He cut in, smiling. “I think we’ve agreed on the situation.”
“We have?” She was amused.
“Yes we have.”
“Oh. Okay.” She paused. “Did you have anything else for me?”
“No,” He rubbed his eyes. “I think we covered it all earlier. There’ll be a load more to go over tomorrow. You should sleep.”
“I’m almost there already.” She replied as she stretched languidly.
“Huh?” He asked.
“I’m in bed.”
“You are?” It was barely a whisper.
“It’s 3am, Josh. Where did you think I’d be?”
“Right.”
“You should sleep.”
“I’m still working on the schedule.”
“Then stop.” She instructed.
“I can’t sleep.”
“Josh…” Donna began, wearily.
“I wanna kiss you again.” He said softly.
She closed her eyes.
“I want that too.” She admitted, just as softly. He drew in a sharp breath. “Goodnight Josh.”
“Night Donna.”
—
“I’m just saying. Everest is for sissies.” Josh said enthusiastically. He was in a good mood today, now that the schedule was done.
“You’re a masochist.” Lou replied dryly.
“This is news?” Donna commented behind him with rich amusement in her voice.
Josh looked back at her, taking in as much as he could with a short look. She’d only been back for a few hours and their late night phone conversations seemed to have done something positive to the dynamic between them. It was odd to say that they were more relaxed with each other, given the taut string of sexual tension, but it was strange, he was starting to feel like he had his friend back.
Here they were joking about Annabeth and Leo, which he realised now was what she’d hinted at on the phone. If it was true, then he was happy for his old friend, but he was a little jealous that others had time right now and found it simple enough to just give in to the things they wanted.
They hadn’t had a single moment alone since she’d been back and they weren’t going to get one anytime soon. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if they did. If he did start kissing her, it was hard to imagine how he’d be able to stop… and then Vinick would probably win the Presidency, and he might not even care.
It seemed impossible now that he had worked with her for so long without anything happening between them. It was as if a dam had been breached and every time their eyes met it was like fire in his blood. So mostly he just tried not to make eye contact, and threw himself into the matter at hand.
Last five days of the Santos campaign. The crazy schedule he’d come up with. Yeah, he was focused. He was totally focused. This was what he’d worked for his entire life. He’d spent a long time not thinking about kissing Donna Moss. He could do that again now.
He was going to need to get some more gum.
—
Donna left the bus to get the polling data Josh was asking for.
It was hard to believe that those late night conversations had even been real. Since she’d been back they hadn’t had a single conversation that wasn’t about the campaign and that didn’t involve at least three other people. Josh also seemed to be avoiding eye contact with her.
She wasn’t especially surprised. He had a lot on his plate and she genuinely didn’t want to distract him from that. Although he seemed wound so tightly right now that maybe it’d be a help if she did just jump his bones and make one part of his life simpler.
As she returned, she spotted Bonnie – a volunteer who’d joined them a few months back and was proving invaluable at getting her information – heading towards the door with a tray of donuts. She stopped her and turned her away from the door.
“They don’t need any more sugar in there.” She told her dryly as she turned to Otto and added some papers to his stack of files. He hurried past her onto the bus. “And definitely none of those for Josh.” Donna added as she got back onto the bus too.
It struck her momentarily how easily she could drop straight back into looking after him, but the sight of Otto picking up papers from the floor and the rush of the day left no more time for self examination.
—
Josh was on hold.
He’d never liked being put on hold and, today, he especially didn’t. Most especially when it was for Bingo Bob.
Donna was sat opposite him, also on the phone, but actually talking to a person.
When she’d first sat down he’d been sitting with his legs stretched out. He’d been talking to Lou but he’d still sat up straighter and moved back to give her space. Over time though, and with a few glances at her, he’d relaxed again. He wasn’t sure quite how it had happened but their legs were now next to each other under the small table and Donna kept flexing her foot, causing her leg to gently brush against his.
Conversation sparked all around them as everyone was doing at least three things at once.
He got cut off, so he called again.
Over Donna’s shoulder, the TV was about to show Helen Santos. It was still build up, so his eyes couldn’t help flicking between Donna and the TV.
She was eating, mostly not looking at him, and he was trying not to just focus on her mouth.
She kept moving her foot. It had to be deliberate but her expression was giving nothing away.
He was back on hold.
She stopped flexing her foot and instead moved it to curl against his calf. Their eyes met for a second before she looked away again.
And then Helen Santos said exactly the wrong thing.
—
Donna was completely aware that Josh had somehow managed to get through the narrow doorway behind her without actually touching her at all, but that wasn’t what was important right now.
She watched concerned as the Congressman got snappy about his kids and their grandmother. He’d been been on edge all day. Donna had seen this before.
They met each other’s eyes as the Congressman stalked off past them. She put a hand on his arm before he could leave too and pulled him slightly aside. He looked a little startled; looking briefly down at his arm and then back up at her. She dropped her hand but leant in towards him. They were almost, but not quite, touching.
“He’s panicking, isn’t he?” She asked quietly.
He looked back at her intently from three inches away. For a moment there was an odd look on his face, but it cleared almost instantly.
“Yeah.” He said quietly back and looked away after the Congressman. “He’s realised that he might actually win.”
She was surprised when he snorted a laugh. She looked at him puzzled. He looked back at her.
“You’d be panicking.” He said softly with a smile. She frowned. “If you were running for President.”
Donna looked away, still frowning. There was something familiar about that. Then she remembered. A long time ago, he’d been clashing with Bartlet and she‘d told him to go easy on him because he was panicking. She’d just casually been rubbing his neck as she’d said it. That had been before… everything. It was suddenly very hot in there as she looked back up at him. He obviously remembered it too from the look in his eyes. She involuntarily licked her lips and his gaze flicked downwards.
“What are you going to do?” She asked.
He looked back up, frowning, his eyes darkened with desire.
“About Santos.” She prompted with a twisted smile.
He sighed and turned to slump against the counter next to her. Still not quite touching. He half turned back to her, his head dipped, not quite looking at her.
“What do you think?” He asked conspiratorially.
She moved to face him and he looked up. Their eyes met.
“Be Leo.” She replied.
She turned on her heel and left.
—
He glanced over at her during the Congressman’s tirade. After Santos had stormed out, he didn’t look back again but she saw the moment he took her advice. He did exactly what she’d seen Leo do a hundred times. He waved off Helen Santos and went to deal with it himself.
Donna turned her attention to Mrs. Santos as soon as the door was closed. Abbey Bartlet had never needed handling while Leo went to work on her husband, but they were old friends and she trusted him. Helen Santos hadn’t exactly seen how good a friend Josh could be this past year.
Donna stood and walked over to her.
“Josh’ll make sure he’s okay. He’ll calm him down.” She told her reassuringly.
Helen laughed a little bitterly.
“Really?” She asked, her voice went a little high pitched. “He’s done a lot of things, but calm isn’t something he’s brought into our lives!”
Donna smiled wryly.
“He can be a calming influence.” She defended as she leant on the back of a seat. “Really, very calming, sometimes. In his own way.”
Helen looked at her and laughed.
“How long have you known him?” She asked curiously.
“Nine years.” Donna smiled.
Helen nodded and turned slightly away. She half turned back.
“How long have you been in love with him?” She asked.
Donna stood up straight.
“Mrs. Santos I’m not… I used to work for him. We’re old friends, that’s all.”
“I’m sorry.” Helen immediately said. “It’s just, the way you defend him. You’re the only one I’ve seen do that.”
“He’s a good man.” Donna said firmly.
“I may need to see more evidence of that.” It was Helen’s turn to smile wryly.
“You will.” Donna assured her, smiling again.
Just then the door opened and Josh came out.
“Everything okay?” Donna asked.
“Getting there.” Josh replied. He turned to Helen. “He probably needs you about now.” He told her. She frowned back at him and he smiled reassuringly. “He’s just panicking a little. It happens.” He looked a little bashful as he said it.
Helen looked at him, assessing, then looked over at Donna. She nodded at them and went to the door. She opened it and went straight in.
Josh turned to Donna.
“How’d it really go?” She asked.
“We’ll know tomorrow.” He replied.
He rested back against one of the seat backs
“Are we actually alone?” He asked incredulously.
Donna followed the cue and rested back against a seat back too. She looked around theatrically. The curtains, which were the only thing separating this section of the plane from the next, were open but there was no one in view on the other side.
“As alone as it gets.” She replied, meeting his eyes.
That thread of tension between them came back into full force.
“That sounds like it could get a little distracting.” He said.
“Quite possibly very distracting.” She agreed.
“More distracting than footsie under the table in a bus full of people?” He asked, his mouth quirking into a smile.
“You noticed that, huh?” She asked, biting her lip.
He raised his eyebrows.
“I wasn’t supposed to notice?!” He asked.
“I hoped you might.” She replied, a half smile on her lips.
Silence descended as they looked at each other. He stood up straight and was about to start walking towards her.
“Josh!” Lou yelled his name.
He raised his eyebrows again and looked pained this time. Donna sighed and shrugged.
Lou strode into their section of the plane.
“Josh, I need you to go over these final ad buys again.” She said, apparently oblivious. “I’m not sure these are what we’d agreed.”
“Show me.” He replied. Lou held them out to him and he looked down as he took them.
“I’m gonna go see Bram about the thing for the rally tomorrow.” Donna said.
He looked back up at her.
“We’ll catch up with this later, Donna.” He said.
She smiled and left.