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Donna stirred awkwardly, feeling as if she were fighting her way up through heavy water that was trying to push her back down. Her brain willed her body to stretch the stiffness out of all her limbs but it disobeyed and stayed resolutely still. Too tired to move.
With a slight gasp, she managed to open her eyes. Then she remembered. She was in a hospital in Germany. Terrorists had tried to kill her. She’d never thought about visiting Germany before. She wondered what it was like out there. In here, it just looked like any hospital anywhere.
The pain in her leg came on suddenly as her body finally woke up and she clicked the morphine drip mechanism several times until she started to feel the effect. The pain faded into the mist her head felt full of but she was still aware of its presence.
Pulling herself together with effort she started to notice more in the room, most notably Josh, who was in the chair next to her bed but leaning forward awkwardly so that he could rest his head on his arms on the bed beside her. His hand was lying with his fingers lightly touching hers. He was fast asleep.
Her mouth curled upwards into a tentative smile. She closed her eyes, remembering him standing over her in the operating theatre and trying to reassure her as she drifted off under the anaesthetic. Truthfully the look on his face hadn’t been very reassuring but his fingers, linked with hers – like now – had been. Seeing his care and concern writ large on his expressive features – even past the face mask – had given her something to live for.
She opened her eyes and, drifting on a cloud of morphine, she watched him sleep for a while.
The room was dark and quiet but she gradually became awareof a TV or radio or something near by. The echoing voice sounded like CJ. Her mind started to focus on it.
Peace talks… at Camp David.
Her mind whirled. What on Earth was Josh doing sleeping here next to her in this darkened room when the President was trying to negotiate peace in the Middle East! Everything she’d seen over there… all that suffering. President Bartlett was trying to fix it…
“Josh.” She said, surprised at how difficult it was to speak. She tried again. “Josh.” It still came out sounding pathetic. He didn’t stir. “Josh!” She finally managed loudly and firmly enough to get him to jerk awake.
“Donna!” He exclaimed reflexively as he woke.
He sat up, looking around confused for a moment. He fixed concerned eyes on her.
“Are you okay?” He asked desperately, moving towards her. “How are you feeling?”
“What are you still doing here?” She demanded in a voice that was weak but passionate.
Obviously reassured by that, he relaxed.
“I think I was sleeping.” He mused, smoothing his hair down and rubbing his eyes.
“Josh, you have to go back to Washington. You have to help the President.” She insisted.
“I’m helping you.” He smiled.
She lifted her head from the pillow and gave him a look that spoke volumes.
“Are you a doctor?” She asked.
His smile faded.
“No.” He said simply.
Donna closed her eyes and let her head fall back. She opened her eyes again and looked seriously at him.
“Then go help create peace in the Middle East.” She said.
He raised his eyebrows sky high.
“You have wildly unrealistic ideas about how much power I wield!” He exclaimed sarcastically with a smile.
Donna smiled back, but it faded quickly and she was serious again.
“I mean it, Josh, go.” She insisted. “You read my emails?”
“Yeah.” He replied, turning away a little to hide his sheepish look. He didn’t tell her that he’d only read them properly on the plane on the way here.
“Then consider this me delivering my final report to you.” She said firmly. “It’s awful, Josh. Someone needs to stop them, all of them, for all their sakes. Someone needs to find a way to change it.”
She raised her left hand towards him, and he instantly reached out to hold it.
“Go back to Washington.” She ordered. “Go now.”
“You’re really kicking me out?” He asked.
“I’ll be fine.” She replied. “I have mom, even though she’s driving me a little nuts, and I have…” She stopped.
“Colin.” He finished for her. He bit his lip and let go of her hand. “Yeah.”
“Josh…” She sighed.
He stood up and walked a few steps away, towards the doorway.
“He wasn’t in your emails.” Josh said flatly.
Donna sighed deeply and closed her eyes again. She was so tired. Even if she’d felt well enough to try and explain it to him, then she still wouldn’t have wanted to. As it was… apain suddenly swept through her leg. She gasped hard and pushed the morphine button again.
Josh moved so fast that she felt the breeze as he reached her. His hand was immediately on her shoulder.
“Donna?” He demanded.
The pain started to subside and she shook her head weakly on the pillow.
“Just, my leg.” She said, momentarily breathless.
She heard his ragged, relieved exhale and opened her eyes to see him standing there with his eyes closed.
“There nothing more you can do here, Josh.” He opened his eyes. “Go help the President.”
He finally nodded, not liking but accepting.
“I’ll be a phone call away.” He said firmly.
Donna smiled wryly.
“Cell service sucks at Camp David.” She replied.
“I know the right places to find it.” He smiled cockily. “And I assume, given, you know, that there’s an entire command and control centre in there, that I’ll be able to rustle up a landline if I really need one.”
He rubbed her shoulder gently.
“Get well and come home.” He said. “That’s an order from your boss.”
She weakly raised her left hand to almost manage a salute.
They smiled at each other, making eye contact for a long moment. Then Josh suddenly leant forward and kissed her lightly on the temple. They both closed their eyes.
“Bye.” He said softly. She nodded, biting her lip.
Then he moved quickly, grabbing his coat and his bag from the chair. He paused as he looked up at the blank TV screen. He turned back to her and pointed at it.
“If I see a camera, I’ll wave at it. Every camera.” He smiled. “And if you’re watching, then you’ll know I’m waving at you.”
Donna laughed, but then clutched at her chest.
“Ow.” She said softly, but she carried on laughing.
Josh took one last look at her, then spun on his heel and left.
Donna closed her tired eyes and relaxed as best she could. Now it was quiet once more she could hear the distant news report voices again.
“So it seems, possibly against all sense and certainly against all advice,” An unfamiliar voice said. “The Bartlett Administration is determined to get an agreement…”
Donna smiled.
“You bet your ass they are.” She muttered.
—–
Donna dozed, only finally opening her eyes at the sound of footsteps. She looked over to see Colin coming in. She smiled at him. He came over, smiling too, and gently kissed her. He drew back, sat down and took her hand.
“Where’s my mom?” She asked him.
“I took her back to the hotel.” He replied. “She’s sleeping.”
Donna nodded and smiled.
“How are you feeling?” He asked, rubbing her hand gently.
“Like I was recently blown up and then had major surgery.” She replied wryly.
He laughed softly.
“You always do that.” He said.
“Do what?” She asked curiously.
“You blow off any serious question.” He said. “Your Josh does the same.”
“He’s not my Josh.” She countered looking away.
Colin laughed and Donna looked back at him questioningly. He shook his head and smiled, then frowned.
“Where is he anyway?” He asked. “The guy’s barely left your side in days.”
“I sent him back to Washington.” Donna said firmly. “And what precisely are you implying?”
“Just that I know when I’m stepping into something.” He smiled sadly. “And I can see that it’s mutual.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Donna said dismissively, taking her hand out of his.
“To be honest, I don’t know if you genuinely don’t, or…” Colin mused after a moment of watching her stew.
“Colin,” Donna sighed. “We’ve just been through a lot together, Josh and I. We’re really good friends.” She gave a small laugh. “And, do really think, that I’d start a relationshipwith you if I was in love with someone else?!”
He looked at her seriously.
“You are a very special woman Donnatella Moss. You deserve so much love and, even in the short time I’ve known you, I know that I’d be proud to be the person to give it to you.”
Donna looked at him with the beginnings of a sheen of tears in her eyes.
“But?” She asked.
“But I think I’m not what you really want right now, and youneed to go explore that first.” He smiled. “If you don’t find what you’re looking for, then give me a call.”
“Colin, I…” Donna looked stricken.
“I’m gonna stay whilst you’re in here,” He reassured her. “I’ll look after your mum. I’ll even feed you grapes if you like.” He smiled and she smiled sadly back. “Then I’ll see you to your plane, and go back to work.”
Donna reached out and took his hand.
“I’m so sorry.” She said. “It was good.”
“It was very good.” He agreed. “Now. Peeled or unpeeled..?”
—-
“Josh, do not be so stupid.” Donna stated very firmly. “You can’t possibly carry me.”
“What you don’t know Donna is that I’ve been working out and I…” He began.
“Was this working out done at the same time as you were creating peace in the Middle East?” She cut in brightly.
“I’ll have you know, there was both running and basketball during our world changing excursion to Camp David.” He countered.
“Interesting, but neither of those involve the muscle groups required to lift me from this chair to the car.” She returned.
“Shut up.” He said.
“That’s a grown up response.” She said.
Josh wheeled the chair up to the passenger side door of the car, stopped and came to stand in front of her. He opened the door and held out his arms.
Donna looked up at him skeptically.
“Come on, trust me.” Josh pleaded.
“Just help me up.” Donna replied dryly.
Josh grimaced but leant down and aimed his hands for her waist, snaking round behind her back. She put her hands on his shoulders for leverage.
“Okay, pull.” Donna said.
Between them got her upright. Their mistake was pausing at that point.
After the initial execution was over they both realised at the same time that they were pressed together from neck to knee, her arms around his neck, her face pressed there, and his arms lower on her back than they’d ever strayed before, one resting firmly on her ass.
Josh looked skywards, his mouth open.
Donna slipped out her tongue to lick her suddenly dry lips, and found herself gently licking the skin of his neck.
Josh froze. Donna froze.
Donna’s phone started beeping and the moment was broken.
“Move Josh.” Donna ordered.
He turned them and shoved her into the seat. After sliding her cast-clad leg into the car, he slammed the door and moved away.
Outside the car, Josh put his hand to his mouth and screwed his eyes tightly closed.
Inside the car, Donna closed her eyes and left her head drop back onto the headrest.
After taking a moment to pull himself together, Josh went round to the driver’s side and climbed in.
He found Donna looking at her phone screen, smiling fondly. He winced.
“Your Gaelic boy toy?” He asked tartly as he started the car.
Donna shot him a look as he pulled out of his parking spot.
“It is Colin asking if I got home okay.” She said. “But Josh…”
“It’s okay, Donna, I don’t need to hear the details of this.” He cut her off.
They drove in silence for a while.
Donna wanted to tell him the truth, she just didn’t know how. Explaining that her and Colin had broken up and had settled into friendship just seemed to be begging for Josh to acknowledge that there was more between her and him. She couldn’t do it.
It would take explaining why her and Colin had happened in the first place. She simply didn’t know how to explain that.
I love you Josh, so I slept with another man I’d only just met.
Then the world exploded, and people died, but I didn’t and I don’t know how to cope with that.
And fuck you for being here for me and being nice, despite you knowing I did this to us.
And fuck you for being mad about it, when you’ve never made a real move.
And I love you, and I can’t tell you. And you can’t tell me because you think I have a boyfriend. And I can’t tell you that I don’t.
And I don’t because he told me to tell you that I love you.
But I can’t go first, and you never will.
“How’s CJ doing?” Donna asked.
“Good. We all pretended to resign, even the President.” Josh grinned. “Her face was a picture.”
“You guys are mean.” Donna commented.
“We were just playing.” Josh defended sheepishly. “Are you okay? Are you in pain?”
“A bit, it’s not too bad.” Donna replied.
“You’d tell me if you were in pain, right?” Josh asked.
“Of course, Josh.” Donna said. “Of course I would.”