Truth Out There
Having found the Truth, Mulder could do little but watch it spread over the whole world. Suddenly everyone was finding out things that they never knew before.
For example, it was discovered that President Reagan *had*, as Robin Williams suggested, been a Disney experiment in animatronics.
All wars stopped instantly, the people involved came to realisation that they had *no* idea what it was they were fighting about.
The Jews and the Arabs learned to live in harmony by placing crystals around the disputed territories.
In Northern Ireland, it was suddenly realised that they didn’t want the English at all because the English were money hungry evil mutants who enjoyed eating liver.
In Bosnia, the Serbs and the Bosnians both realised that they were mostly related and that it was silly for them to kill each other.
The Middle East became an instantly calmer place when they realised that their real threat was not each other, but was in fact people in the West trying to take their oil. They discovered that the West had been fuelling their petty disputes for years in order to keep them devided, so they immediately joined forces and formed the biggest conglomerate in the world. This had the net result that prices went astronomically high and that Western governments were forced to find more environmentally friendly alternatives to oil.
On a deeper note: cranberries, yoghurt (and other related products such as fromage frais), tofu, anchovies, olive oil and jogging were all banned by international law.
In the USA, Clinton was re-elected in 1996 and served out his term, until he was replaced at the next election by Ricki Lake. In the UK, John Major lost the 1997 election and was replaced by a card-board cut out who was just as effective.
Closer to home, Deep Throat was found alive. He was found to be running a small shopping mall in the Mid West. He’d had no memory of his previous life, but now the Truth gave it all back to him. He turned out to be an alien from Reticula.
Mr X went on TV in a special international link up and sang a medley of his old Elvis songs and a special new ballad – performed with the Red Hot Chilli Peppers – dedicated to the Truth. They went on to cut the most successful album in history.
Spookily, the Lone Gunman all fell in love and got married in the same week. Frohike married the new divorced Pamela Anderson (The Truth having made Tommy Lee see that she was a braindead bimbo – the answer to Frohike’s dreams).
Byers married Tori Spelling – “It’s True Love.” She gushed to assembled reporters as they stood on the steps of Westminster Abbey, where they were married by special permission of King Harry and the Regent, his mother, HRH Princess Diana, Duchess of just about everything. Miss Spelling’s father had paid them a vast sum of money, which the Royal family had eagerly accepted now that they no longer had tax payers money to pay for their holidays.
Langley married David Copperfield.
Tragically for Miss Spelling, now Mrs. Byers, her father went out of business within a few months of the Truth being found. The Truth, in this case, being that he makes crap TV shows.
Krycek was discovered to be a long lost brother that Mulder never knew he had. Mrs. Mulder had, it turned out, been sleeping with Cancerman, the Well Manicured Man, Deep Throat and just about everyone else that had ever come to their house. She couldn’t remember any of their names, because the orgies hadn’t really leant themselves towards formal introductions. Bill Mulder *was* Mulder’s father, Cancerman (or rather Chris Carter) was Samantha’s and Deep Throat was Krycek’s. Mulder and Krycek buried their differences, however they do have a tendency to play rather violent practical jokes on each other.
Albert Hostein, turned out to be the last surviving member of the Anasazi tribe and several hundred years old. This being due to the fact that the Anasazi, like the people of Dudley, were cannibals. After
Cancerman (aka. CC) died, Albert insisted on eating him.
Poor Langley, after just three weeks of marriage, David Copperfield left him and married David Letterman. They hosted a combined talk and magic show called The Two Davids. They didn’t do very well in the ratings. Since everyone now knew the Truth, no one watched to watch Copperfield’s illusions. So nothing really changed there. They both disappeared into obscurity. The Truth triumphing once again!
Langley, after many years of depression, ran off to Vegas with Skinner, where they got married in the Quick and Easy Chapel of Love. They have been happily married for 4 years have two delightful adopted daughters.
It turned out that aliens had been visiting the Planet Earth, but only because they had misplaced their own planet. They had a base on the moon for years. They’d eventually sent Deep Throat down in an attempt to place a long distance phone call. No jokes were made about the film ET at this point, because the Truth made everyone see that ET was in fact a pile of crap!
Mulder, after 10 years of perfect wedded bliss with Scully, one day just walked out on her and their twelve children. He was last seen at a TV awards ceremony with Winona Ryder.
X
THE DOOR TO ERYKAH’S WRITING ROOM IS SUDDENLY BROKEN DOWN.
“What the f. . .?”
Erykah has a chance to scream before she is dragged from her place in front of the computer by a heavily armed man dressed in black with the word FOX embroidered in gold thread on his sleeve. She is struck across the face with the butt of a rifle, then it is shoved hard into her stomach. She falls to the floor in pain. As she stares up, through pain fogged eyes, she becomes aware of six very serious looking guns pointed at her.
“What have I done that was so
wrong?” She demands, clutching her painful stomach.
“You pissed off the boss.” Comes the reply.
One man crosses to her computer and
scans the text.
“Still spreading your disgusting lies!”
“They’re the Truth!” She exclaims. “The people have a right to
know!” Once more the gun smashes across her face. “Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!”
“Get her out of here!” The man by the computer barks and two of the men
grab Erykah’s arms and drag her out of the room.
“You wont get away with this.” Erykah shouts back at him. “The military-industrial-entertainment complex will not succeed. I have friends…”
“Shut her up!” The man orders and turns back to the computer, knowing that his orders will be carried by his men.
An injection is roughly administered to Erykah’s left arm and she slumps against the men holding her. She is finally removed from the room.
The man looks down at the computer, adeptly highlights the text and hits the delete key.
X
Post Script:
I just wanted to add one thing to this story. That is to say that I think that Fox Broadcasting is a brilliant company. All their associated companies are wonderful too. I mean it, they really are *wonderful*. They’re a great bunch of people who’ve really done a lot for the moral, social and economic well-being of the USA, in fact they do a service to entire world!
By the way, I seem to be drawing a blank on the events of the last two days, if anyone knows anything about my actions or whereabouts can they please contact me at the below email address.
erykah@globaldominationenterprises.com
<Erykah raises her glass of Pepsi Max and grins>
Here’s to the Truth!
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